two thirds passion

o14: piece.

2004-05-05T14:32:55Z

i'm going back into this not knowing what i'll find. but i've decided to follow my heart and abandon my mind and if there be pain i know that at least i gave my all.. and it's better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all. in the morning i may wake to smile or maybe to cry but first to those of my past i must say goodbye.

this should be gone within the next 24 hours.
read up if you'd like - i don't have the desire to
waste my life away here. goodbye lovahs. i'll miss u!:)

o13: thoughts provoked for the past five months

2004-05-05T03:13:31Z

check this out- too much west coast dick lickin'
and too many niggas on a mission-

too many bitches wanna be ladies
so if you a hoe, i'mma call you a hoe
too many bitches is shady
too many ladies give these niggas too many chances
too many brothers wanna be lovahs
don't know what romance is
too many bitches stuck up from too many sexual advances
no questions, BRITT-ANEY got too many answers

o12: because i feel exactly what billy is feeling-

2004-05-04T00:10:52Z

i just about vomited into my own mouth.
that's what you do to me.

o10: -

2004-05-02T00:30:17Z

now what?

oo9: one-

2004-05-01T06:32:49Z

how do you describe such strong emotion?

you write and write and write and write til yer hand hurts and you realize you have nothing left to say that even makes sense to yourself anymore. you talk and speak and ramble on and on and on and on trying so hard to explain but then realize s/he already knows what you feel just by the tone in your voice and the look on your face. so you stop yourself. and smile. because these moments closest to perfect wont be around forever. you forget about the rest of the world. you know what's ahead. and you just smile.

i write about the present, with my past, for the future.

you get so caught up in trying to perfect life that you tend to forget the patience necessary to step back and enjoy every fucking wonderful moment.

promise guaranteed.

oo8: quick two cents

2004-04-27T23:14:32Z

up until about a week ago, a lot of bullshit had been going on in my life lately. not dramatic situations or anything distinctive like that; just me and my contemplations &irritations. that's why whenever i update it's usually pictures of me partying and doing fun things, or some quote from a random song to try to relieve something from my mind - because partying really distracts me from thinking about everything else, and music releases something that i may have been thinking about, onto paper (or in this case, onto a computer screen). i was in no way depressed, or upset with anybody, or anything like that; just disappointed in humanity.

so i guess i was looking at it like this, for a while.. we're all out here trying to satisfy ourselves, that whole 'instant gratification' ideology, and while doing this we forget that other people may be affected by our actions. i'm being really vague, i know, but it's better that way because now you can apply this to your own life rather than focus on someone else's specific situation.

i really enjoy people. intellectual stimulation for everyone. i like to provide others with new information and i like to be able to comprehend other people's opinions and perspectives on things in life. we're all so different and have so much to share with one another. no one thinks completely alike so you can only imagine how much information you're truly able to receive from another individual.

it's fascinating.

that is why i need to get out of simi valley so often; i phene for diversion; i need to be surrounded by a less conformed environment. i feel limited because it's like i'm always ready to see new things and meet new people - yet it seems the atmosphere around here, isn't. i'm already gonna be 17 years old in less than 2 months and i know that there is more for me to feel and touch and smell and taste before I no longer exist.

oo7: ♥♥♥

2004-04-27T00:13:06Z

i saw you ripping apart inside, saturday night - the way i've never seen anyone but that person in the mirror emotionally beat themself up. i saw the genuine person in you for one of the very first times.

i wish you wouldn't keep your feelings bottled up inside.
if there's one of the very few special people in your life who PROMISES to never betray you, it's me. and i'm more than grateful you know that. thank you for your love and trust. thank you for feeling comfort in my arms.

things change with moments like these.
it hurts me to see the tears fall from your eyes - but, as strange as this might sound, it reassures me that you really are a great person at heart - that you really do care - that your sensitivity & compassion are a part who you really are - that falling in love with you might not be such a bad thing afterall >> that learning to let go isn't a lesson to learn at all; but something that will fade on it's own - with time - with you (the real you) - and with love.

oo6: dance with me-

2004-04-22T08:45:17Z

...that i'm loved.

k i'm better now.
i'll be even less indecisive in about a week.
after that, we'll see who was genuine;
'prove my insecurities are unjust.'

oo5: because i can spell konfusion with a "k"-

2004-04-22T03:26:48Z

idontknowidontknowidontknow.
i dont know what to do.
i dont understand whats going on anymore.
i dont know what i want anymore.

♥
i will tomorrow, i promise.
im so indecisive. but right now, please, just let me be confused - because i dont know what else to---- ?

oo4: the way she listen to what the emcees said, she might as well plug the rca cords into her head-

2004-04-20T20:49:19Z

livin in a lonely ass world - searching for the perfect woman
not a little girl - see - they be dressin all trashy - actin sassy

unless you find a woman with a strong sense of self-respect
you'll be alone - phening 'cause you've felt neglect

my first public entry without a lack of meaningful substance. righteous. where to start? spring break is fuckin over!! booo. my week was worth it though - shopping in frisko, the usual parties n movies, homies from back in the day, memory-boxes, a new piercing, too much jack in the crack, an official 2 months of smiles (sean♥), long talks just being held, long drives to san diego &back, comin' up on cds (haha), completion of my room (painting), drinks on the beach, &SOMEBODY getting their license back! WOOOHOO.

i've fallen in love with saul williams.
it's official; i can't deny it.

his shit is so ill >> try everything you love about music all wrapped into one nicely tied package? yeah, i didn't think it could happen either. there aren't many artists who can get away with flowin over drumnbass er jungle beats but this fool has it all. not only all that, but his poetic style trips me out too.
alright well i'm outt. happy fourtwenty. here's some pics from fri/saturday-

(pleaseexcusemydankabercrombiesweatshirt)

the end.

oo2: audible angell: confused child i am no longer. live life. love life. YA DIG? ;)

2004-04-18T00:29:24Z

i found the stairway to heaven
in the city of Lost Angels

provoke thoughts.

oo1: friends only-

2004-04-15T20:13:53Z

i love you, computernerds.